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“When your dreams all fail, and the ones we hail are the worst of all…”

Lost. Confused. Disheartened. When life puts you in front of a fork in the road, how do you know which direction to choose? It’s not that either choice is necessarily wrong, but you know that whichever you choose will dictate the rest of your life. (Just a tad melodramatic…)

I’ve recently found myself at a metaphorical fork in the road…In January, I lost my job at a local advertising agency. A job that I dedicated every waking hour to – every ounce of my being was consumed by this role. I really wish I could blame this hyperbole on my artistic license, but I can’t. It’s the sad and honest truth. When I slept, I would dream about my job and all the things I hadn’t completed that day. On the weekends, my email was constantly open and refreshing just in case a client needed something before Monday. On weeknights, If I made it home before my husband went to bed, it was a great night. Most nights, however, were not quite like that. The day I received the news, something inside me broke. I started asking questions like, “Am I not competent enough to handle the demands of this job?” “Did I make the wrong career choice?” “Was I not good enough for them?” “Did I really fail this early in life?”

For those of you who are lucky enough to have never asked yourself these questions, be thankful. Those simple questions can eat away at your spirit. Each day that you can’t provide an answer, a piece of yourself tears away. You suddenly feel detached from the world around you, wondering if it really matters if you get out of bed or not. Suddenly, daytime television is your only solace. I’m not sure I could count the number of Criminal Minds episodes I’ve watched in the last couple months. It’s a struggle to pull yourself up and convince your broken spirit that you are both intelligent and fully capable of handling the demands of a difficult job.

That’s when the lingering, metaphorical fork enters your life – you are finally given a choice. You can begrudgingly choose the left and remain balled up in a fit of self-pity and anger, cursing the world for dealing you this crappy hand. Or you can get up, hold your head high and choose to walk proudly to the right. I chose to go right.

I’m not jaded into thinking this path is without pain or disappointments. I know this route will be just as treacherous, if not more so, than the one I left behind. Because, let’s be honest. It would be much easier to stay in sweatpants all day, downing bags of Cheetos at both a disgusting and impressive rate. I wouldn’t have to face the fear of rejection, I wouldn’t have to set myself up for future disappointments. You can’t fail yourself when you don’t try, right? Along the path I chose, I will have to face my fears, my inner demons, before arriving at the end. This path will be longer and much more “dark and twisty” (Grey’s Anatomy, anyone?). But I know the day I do reach the endpoint, I will be a better person. I will know infinitely more about myself and how I want to shape my future. For now, I’m jut strapping myself in for a bumpy ride. What is it all those wise people say, “Take it one day at a time.” I’m beginning to think there’s a great deal of truth in those simple words…

*Lyric Title: Imagine Dragons “Demons”*

“Cause we are living in a material world…”

I failed. It’s been 2 months since my last post…I was all hot and heavy on the blog at first, then I fizzled away. I find that I tend to do that often. I signed up for a personal trainer at the beginning of the year, all excited to get skinny and look awesome. What happened? Oh, life happened. And now that it’s June, I’m tired. And I’m hungry. And I just don’t want to go. So, I quit. Well, I tried to quit. Thankfully I have a hunk at home who won’t let me quit…something about not wasting money and all that. Details, details. When I was little, I quit almost every sport I ever tried with the exception of volleyball. I just never finished things I started…I can say I am a religious book finisher. I HATE starting a book and not reading all the way to the end. I guess I’ve got that going for me…My point to this rant is that I’m going to challenge myself to come back and do this. I’m going to make a solid effort to post more often. Even if no one’s reading, at least I’ll be forcing myself to see something through. I’m going to chalk that up as a win.

Now to the main point of the post – yeah, I haven’t even made it there yet. I heard about this cool website from a friend at work, Stitch Fix. I signed up last night…it sounds pretty awesome actually. Basically you fill out a style profile, provide your sizes/measurements/etc. and a personal stylist will hand-select items for you based on your likes/needs. You can set a budget for the items you order, you can request to receive more accessories than clothes (or vice-versa) AND you only have to pay for the items you want to keep. They send you all these great fashion items, and you have 3 days to try on/feel them out. If you hate them, you can return them. If you love them, they’ll charge you for what you keep. It sounds too good to be true. I set my profile to send me a “fix” every 2-3 weeks. I’m a huge sucker for brown boxes on my doorstep when I get home from work. Almost NOTHING makes me happier. This should be a real treat. I’ll keep y’all posted.


*Lyric Title: Madonna “Material Girl”*

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