“Hi, my name is Shannon, and I have control issues.” That would most definitely be my opening statement in group therapy. My control anxieties run the gamut – I am a serious perfectionist, I don’t like being in environments and situations where I don’t feel in control, and I’m always worried about how others perceive me. Public perception is the one I struggle with the most… And I have alopecia to thank for that.
If you’re like most people, you’ve probably never heard of alopecia…so I’ll give you a quick run-down. (Although I like to think I’m an expert, I’m definitely not. I’ll explain it the best I can, but if you want to read more, go here: What is this crazy disease?) Basically, alopecia is an autoimmune disease that causes the body’s immune system to attack healthy hair follicles. There are 3 types of alopecia: areata (random bald spots), totalis (total hair loss on your head) and universalis (total hair loss errrywhere). Only 2% of the population is at risk for alopecia, and of that 2%, only 20% are at risk for the totalis or universalis types. I’m a member of that .004% – yippee.
My symptoms started when I was a toddler. By the time I hit my 4th birthday, I was (almost) completely bald on my head. I say (almost) because I had around 6 hairs on the side of my head that REFUSED to fall out. Those guys were sticking with me through thick and thin – HA, get it? Good news for my 4-year-old self, my hair grew back completely within a year. Sans treatment…pretty awesome. The second time alopecia reared its ugly head, I was not so lucky. It began stealing my hair again just after my 12th birthday, right in the middle of 7th grade. Perfect. Timing. Along with braces and other growing pains, I was also prematurely balding. I was a knock-out, let me tell ya. Because this was by far the worst thing in my life (according to my teenage melodramatic self), my mother and I sought help from dermatologists in the area. We went through all the regular treatments – corticosteroid injections directly on the scalp, oral steroids to slow down my overactive immune system, crazy diets eliminating gluten, all starches, sugars, shellfish, everything I loved, etc…From those oh-so-pleasant treatments, I only gained a few sporadic regrowth areas and 30+ extra pounds despite the dietary restrictions. My hair loss was spiraling out of control, and it was time to make a decision…
Friday, April 9, 2004, (I’ll never forget, it was Good Friday), my world changed. Alongside my family and one of my closest friends, I shaved off my remaining hair and began wearing a wig. Looking back now, I know I had more options – I could have been strong and faced the girls at school with pride. I could have tuned out all the nasty remarks and the snickering behind my back. I could live without making cheerleader (which I didn’t), making the show choir group (which I didn’t), not getting asked to the school dances (which I didn’t)… But somehow at 14, hiding my disease and wearing a wig felt like my only option. And it sucked.
As a person who’s always battled with control, losing my hair didn’t sit well. I felt my life spiraling out of my control – nature was completely in charge of how I appeared to the rest of the world. The emotional side effects of alopecia are so much worse than the actual disease. The disease doesn’t PHYSICALLY cause pain, it doesn’t physically debilitate me. But so many of alopecia’s side effects aren’t quantifiable or understandable to those without it. AA changed me, and at the time, I had no idea if it was for the better or for the worse….
You may be asking yourself why I’m spilling all of this in my little nook of the inter-web. Well, to tell you the truth, I needed to get it off my chest. Exposing myself through this blog opens the potential for judgement, misconceptions, questions. I want to clear the air and prevent any confusion for my readers. This part of my life also dictates certain decisions I make in the beauty and style departments. It’s a driving force behind why I am the way I am. And I believe it’s important that you all at least get the chance to know that part of me, even if it is TMI.
So to end part 1 of “My Life with AA,” I’ll show you a brief evolution of my hair through the years. Check back later this week to read part 2 of my AA saga – who’s my dealer (of wigs, obviously), how my look has evolved through the years and how I learned to cope.
Happy baby Shannon (PSA – all hair in this photograph is my own)
You can’t tell in this picture, but the bottom half of my hair is gone. And yes, my friend Chandler (left) and I were often told we looked like twins.
Spring 2006 – I’d been wearing a wig for almost two years. The foxy lady on the right is none other than the “closest friend” I referred to earlier, the one I shaved my head with, the one I trusted implicitly: Christy.
May 2007 – senior year of HS. No huge changes, just a few minor wig changes, eyelashes/eyebrows game still strong. (I’m in the foreground)
Fall 2008 – sophomore year of college. Another year that changed my life, but more on that later. (I’m second from the left)
Spring 2009 – my debut without eyebrows/eyelashes. Facial hair NOT on fleek. At all. (I’m on the left. Obviously, because the blonde one {aka Andrea} has A-Team hair)
Summer 2015 – with my main squeeze. Debut of my “lob” and a much blonder hue. Eyebrows hand drawn and eyelashes glued on.
November of 2015 – with my other twin, my sister Kara. Okay, we’re not really twins, but we get that question A LOT! Again, eyebrows hand drawn and eyelashes glued on.
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